Session 16: The Land That Was

Session Notes: 19 August 2021
Chapter 2: A Different World
Location: New Vasselheim, Othanzia, Issylra

Date: Yulisen, 1 Sydenstar 845 PD (calendar of Exandria: https://criticalrole.fandom.com/wiki/Calendar_of_Exandria)

Party Members:

Rinn – half-elf sorcerer/rogue
Stubby – half-elf artificer
Tāmerai – gnome bard

Absent Party Members:
Bob the Therapist – changeling warlock with a couch for a familiar
Tunk – bugbear monk

To-Do List:

  • Investigate Old Vasselheim
  • Find, if possible, some anti-scrying necklaces; other magical items if they happen to present themselves
  • Stubby: Kick a titan in the toe; visit the former site of the Raven’s Crest
  • Rinn: Visit the former Trial Forge and the Crucible
  • Tāmarai: Find and bring home the missing Luxon Beacon
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When last we left our heroes…

In telling Vox Machina their general plans, the trio leave out some key details, such as the fact that someone or something is directly messing with the Raven Queen, and the additional fact that Stubby saw an alternate, evil Vex that was working with Vecna. Thus, Vox Machina gave ‘their kids’ the go-ahead to visit Old Vasselheim. The trip there took a mostly uneventful (barring a fight with giant snakes, won by the clever use of an Immovable Rod) two days. The three spent the night in between those two days right where the gates to the old city landed, about a mile from their original, proper location.

In the morning, they breakfasted, tied up, dressed, and packed up the tent, then walked that last mile to the remains of Old Vasselheim.


The once-proud bastion of civilization, the oldest known city in Exandria, is devastated. Nothing is unharmed; the land is literally torn. Craters pockmark the land; a gash, large enough to be a small canyon, separates one part of the city from another; huge rocks jut out from the ground, like some Earthbending druids came through while drunk as FUUUUCK and said, “Hey, you know what would be funny? Let’s make a big giant hand coming out of the ground.” The word ‘asunder’ comes readily to mind. On the peak where the Platinum Sanctuary once stood is an enormous column of fire, glowing red and blue by turns. It’s disturbingly bright even when viewed from the relative safety of New Vasselheim. Here, up close, it hurts the eyes to look at.

A voice from behind startles the group as they gaze upon the wreckage. The voice is low-pitched, and slow, but does not seem unintelligent. “I wouldn’t go in there.” The trio turn, as one, and realize that the speaker is a bear, standing on two legs. The same one that they saw before, a nice chap. “Some assholes live over there,” he informs them, pointing towards the remains of the titan and holding up eight ‘fingers’. “This many. I think.”

Tāmarai takes it in stride. “Numbers are hard for me too.”

The bear wonders if their god taught them to speak in Common. His god, Melora, taught him and his bear family, and also explained to them what happened to the old city and what made them all able to speak and understand non-animal language. He tells the party his name, which Tāmarai can pronounce thanks to her ability to speak understandably to animals. She doesn’t know its meaning, however, and he tells them: his name is the story of how he caught seven fish in a single day. He’s understanding about the fact that the party don’t understand his bear-speech. “I think a lot of non-animals can’t understand us. Or Melora. They don’t know how to listen to nature.” It’s true, honestly. 

Stubby — after recording him repeating his name on a gadget designed by her Uncle Tary’s friend Hazel Copperpot — decides to call him Fisch. “An elf called Stubby, an elf called Firefly, a gnome called Flower. Why not a bear called Fisch?” He seems delighted to be given a “people” name. Tāmarai calls him Kuma (‘bear’), and he likes that, too. Fisch Kuma.

The freshly-named bear informs them that Melora said that it takes a lot of energy and magic to teach bears how to talk. The magic in the city made it possible, but also poisoned some other things. Some of the bears who were nearer to the city that day didn’t make it, but his clan did. Now they can walk on two legs all the time if they want, and speak. He’s learning how to write, and demonstrates by writing HELLO in the dirt.

Fisch finds “people” (humanoids) a little dramatic, but likes it. He enjoys seeing the plays and music in the amphitheater in the big city (New Vasselheim). Tāmarai plays her ocarina for him, and again he’s delighted.

In addition to being a lover of the arts and a writer himself, Fisch is also a philosopher and a master of understatement: “Mostly now the city has a rat problem. They don’t taste good. It’s just rats and roaches. I think one day when the gods all leave us, all that will be left are the roaches.” He leaves the trio for a moment, walking into the forest. They can hear him conversing, partly in Common and partly in Bear. A few minutes after he returns, another bear appears with a duffel bag to give to Fisch. They shake their head, looking at this weird, disparate collection of individuals, and walks away even while Fisch is digging armor out of the bag and putting it on. It’s basic and very hodgepodge, and clearly of Ursine make. He has a glaive, too. He’s loaded for himself. “Children should not go into the sick city. Not alone.”

Three children from the city
investigating magic-war.
A big bear joins them,

And now they are four.

Along the way, Fisch tells the others that he has three siblings, one of which is a sister, and mentions “my brothers” at some point as well. His sister “makes sure the birds are okay,” but sometimes they eat the birds. Not the ones that can talk.

Melora has taught the bears not to eat things that grow from the ‘sick’ red-orange dirt, as they’re poisoned. They have clerics, and probably druids with them; they’re cleansing the land, little by little, starting with the forest. Some of them went off to find the Fire People (the Ashari of Pyrah), but haven’t come back yet.

Stubby tells Fisch that she needs to visit all the temples, kick the titan’s toe, and “talk” to some assholes. Rinn and Tāmarai don’t directly mention why they need to go, but Fisch probably assumes that like bears, ‘humans’ (none of which the trio are!) probably go in packs.

The Birth Heart (“The Good Tree”) is still safe, Fisch tells them when Stubby mentions going there. He tells them, “Any place where the ground is red and sick, don’t eat anything on it. Extra magic. If anything glows red and blue, back away and find a cleric. That’s how one of my cousins lost his arm. Ground that’s grey is dead. It’s not poisoned, but we haven’t been able to make it come back yet. The rocks, they really did just shoot out from the ground.” He thinks a rock shot out of the ground, for every special item the the city had hidden in their buildings. “And most humans who stay in here too long, well… Should I take you out if you go crazy, or hit you?” They all suggest first attempting to remove them, but if it doesn’t work, hitting is fine.

Fisch opines that they should visit the Birth Heart first. They go, using the roads rather than a direct path. “The assholes can hear you coming if you don’t stay on the road.”

In the city, there are holes where there used to be homes, businesses, gathering spots. The buildings that do stand — barely — are devastated as well. Some are shorn in half cleanly, and others are just… smashed. Rock outcroppings that clearly weren’t there before the explosions, rubble everywhere. As they go on, they do see some houses that look okay at first, but they’re all stained orange-red, and that probably wasn’t the case before. Most of the trees look fine; probably the bears’ work. In the direction of Duskmeadow, there’s a big grey area where everything is petrified. Trees turned to stone.

Stubby hands three poison vials to Rinn, just in case. As he’s putting them away, Fisch freezes in place. “Do you hear that?” The glaive comes out, and the trio follow suit, readying whatever they have at their disposal.

Small, nasal voices cry out, “Beware! Intruders! Beware!” and five cranium rats (brains exposed, sparking with energy, and it looks disgusting) come running out of one of the houses. Helpfully, Fisch explains who and what they are in one word: “Assholes.”

It’s not much of a fight. Rinn and Stubby are very effective with crossbows, thrown daggers, and Acid Splash. Tāmarai quickly brings out her lute and busts out with:

Four walk warily down the street with their brims pulled way down low
Ain’t no sound but the sound of their feet, but the crossbows’re ready to go
Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway the cranium rats will die to the sound of this beat: FISCH!


Fisch is inspired to greatness. His his vorpal blade goes snickersnack, and little rodentine heads go flying. It’s over almost before it began. Fisch picks up one rat body to show that it is a rusty, bruised, yellow-red-brown. “That’s how you know they can’t be saved. If you see their brains, or their mouths are frothing, you can’t reason with them. Sometimes the regular ones are mad too, but they might listen. But if they shout “To arms!” they’re just going to attack.”

The craters marring the cityscape (as if it wasn’t marred enough without them) go down so far, they can’t see to the bottom. Rinn casts Light on a rock and tosses it in. The light it sheds gets smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing. After an impressively long time, Stubby hears a little tink tink tink and then a tiny sploosh.

With a glance at Stubby’s excited face, every one of them reach out a hand or arm to hold her back. Even Fisch grabs the belt on Stubby’s pants.

To distract her, he points towards the Raven Queen’s temple, or rather, where it was. It’s now a smoking hole. “That way,” he points past the Raven’s Crest, “is the good tree. Birth Heart.” Between here and there, the land is stark and dead, but over in that direction they see an inviting green oasis. Stubby abandons her interest in the crater, and they all head that way, bypassing not only physical devastation but emotional devastation: hastily dug graves, none with markers; and here and there, piles of items discarded by the people running from the destruction. Even Ravinia looked more alive, more inviting than this.

As they get past that last little bit of the way to the Birth Heart, they see a few more enormous up-shoots of rock, almost like the fingers of a hand reaching out. It isn’t actually a hand,  but with their placement, and the crater, it almost looks like a bowling ball landed here.

The Birth Heart is up a hill. They climb, then pause to look down at the city, and each one separately has the sensation of “Holy crap, maybe it is a hand.” But then they reach the green, and all their tension washes away. The trees are healthy and happy. Water runs, a brook somewhere nearby. Birds and insects buzz and chirp. It seems so normal and right, especially contrasting with the things they’ve seen so far.

The walk has taken them a little over an hour; it’s about noon.

Fisch points to an unscathed building that looks nearly move-in ready. “That’s the only people-house I remember that isn’t at least a little funky.” They take a quick look-see around the outside, then the inside. There are no fresh tracks going to or from the house, but everything is dusty and looks old. Fisch feels it would be safe for them to stay there overnight. It’s a four-story house, and must be where all the gardeners lived. Judging by what they can see, Melora’s people; and they must have gotten up and run right in the middle of a meal.

There’s so much dust that everyone’s having to stifle sneezes. The ground floor appears to be a receiving and dining space. The second is mostly offices, and the paperwork is mostly garden-planning. There’s a note on the wall, “Don’t let Teddie handle—“ but whatever Teddie’s not permitted to handle has been turn off. The third floor is a barracks filled with narrow beds, mostly bunk beds, each of which has a chair beside and a locker by the foot. The whole building is covered in dust, cobwebs, occasional dead moth bodies, an old bird’s nest in a window. That sort of thing. Nature is reclaiming it, but only just starting. Fourth floor, attic full of supplies and equipment.

A thorough search of the house by Stubby and Tāmarai yields some cheap, anatomically incorrect porn and a partially written letter to someone’s sweetheart, tucked under a pillow. There’s no signature, just a smear of ink and a very dried pen lying on the floor. The person was in that much of a hurry to get out. (They also snag a few bottles of regular, non-magical ink and some writing implements.)

Meanwhile, Rinn spends his time tossing the least musty mattresses downstairs for everyone to sleep on: one for himself, two for Fisch, and one for Stubby and Tāmarai to share.

They also collect a log book containing many things that happen in the city and in the Birth Heart gardens in particular, because it contains notes about the titan and Vecna. Two pages prior to that, there’s a note concerning a crowd of travelers who asked to bury some ashes, and a description of exactly where to find them, along with the person who was chastised for letting them bury it — but the ashes were allowed to remain there. Stubby is overjoyed to find mention of her family. She takes off at a dead run. Being much faster than Tāmarai, she’s far ahead by the time the gnome gets downstairs, to find Rinn has already gone after her, and Fisch waiting on all fours. “Get on.” Tāmarai hasn’t ridden before, so she’s just bounced like a rubber ball on Fisch’s back as they give chase. 

They catch up to Stubby as she’s crossing a bridge over the river they heard earlier. This bridge is of Ursine make, not humanoid make, and is very impressive — especially for bears who have only been able to speak for five years, let alone commit acts of engineering. When they find Stubby, she’s staring at an actual plaque bearing the name “Zaafín, survived by Senokir, interred by friends.” This is the Abundant Terrace. Stubby’s history.

Rinn suggests that Tāmarai try to find out if there’s anything magical about the box of ashes, so she starts the ritual. Fisch, meanwhile, says that the burial spot smells “different.” But the Birth Heart itself looks half petrified. It’s healing, though, as Tāmarai confirms once she finishes her ritual: the necromantic magic is flowing in the ‘good’ direction. The box, however, buried beneath the earth, holds illusory magic. Probably something to make it look lovelier than it is. There’s no other magic noticeable in the immediate surroundings.

Based on Stubby’s explanation of what she’s looking for, Fisch asks what “wife” means, and then what “husband” means. They explain about marriage, and that wife and husband are loosely gender-based descriptions of people’s mates. Fisch decides that ‘human’ languages are confusing because there are so many words. Tāmarai agrees that Common is a hard language to learn, and she’s still working on it, and then has to explain that ‘humans’ have a lot of languages.

But Fisch understands more than just words. He bends towards Zaafín’s grave and says what Rinn (though he doesn’t mention this to anyone, as Fisch is speaking in Primordial) understands as a kind of prayer, thanking her for living and expressing regret that she has died, and giving her encouragement to go ahead and return to the earth. He is so pure.

(There’s “no other magic” in the vicinity except the Birth Heart itself. It SHINES with magic, and the ground around it is mottled. It’s healing.)

The Platinum Sanctuary’s glow is both mundane and magical, and they all decide that it’s good that they’ll be sleeping inside where it’s dark.

It’s now about 1:00pm. Stubby wants to go to the Raven’s Crest, but Rinn smartly suggests going first to the old Slayer’s Take. They probably took with them everything of value, he knows from his experience at being taught how to keep himself and his things ready for a bug-out at any moment; but there might be some simple, mundane weapons, or some arrows or bolts that they didn’t bring with. The other three agree, and they set off.

On their way, they spot some really large, New York City sized rats. In swarms of 5-10 individuals, with their tails joined somehow. No exposed brains, though. There’s not much room to get past them, so they might have to fight. It’s tight quarters. Three of their ersatz party start readying weapons.

Tāmarai, though, decides to try conversation first. It turns out, they’re followers of Ioun. Tāmarai tells them that she is, too, and therefore — this she says with almost a cry of joy — they are brothers. It works! The rats tell them that Osysa is trapped under the old Take, thanks to the earthquakes. Immediately, Tāmarai wants to help; the others, she’s gratified to see, fully agree.

The rats accompany the foursome to the Take. Paintings are gone from the walls. There are two graves marked Cyndrial — Vanessa and Merten — as well as one for someone called Lyra, but with an illegible family name. Other grave mounds are also there, but no more are marked; it was a very hectic time. A few fallen sticks strewn about may have once born hastily-carved names. Other than that, there’s not much left behind. The Slayer’s Take was apparently prepared to take off at a moment’s notice. What sort of disastrous experience led to them practicing for that??

There’s another weird thing. On the other side of the building, where there should be outbuildings and a road, there’s just a big crevasse. The Slayer’s Take building is about a foot away from it. It’s broad, too. Some of them might be able to throw a rock far enough to hit the other side, but it would be difficult. It’s deeper than they can tell, but there’s a light in there, very faint. The rats tell them that they can get through there; it’s a tunnel. Osysa is there. The rats volunteer to stay there and make sure nothing else comes after them while they investigate.

Rinn pulls a magic trick out of his hat. Except there’s no hat, and it’s definitely not a trick. “Everyone jump. I will keep you from falling.” Stubby takes it immediately and leaps, in a maneuver that would probably make her Aunt Keyleth wince with memory. Tāmarai stays put, firmly hanging onto Fisch’s armor, as if to indicate that there is absolutely nothing that would ever convince her to do such a thing. Fisch sees Stubby leap, then Rinn, and leaps as well.

They all land safely, but Tāmarai doesn’t look thrilled about the terrifying ride she was just brought on. But Rinn looks extremely cool as he make his incredibly suave hero’s one-footed landing, hair gently blowing in the breeze, as a rumble comes from the sky.

The light is more visible now. It’s not bright, but it’s enough to let them all see where they’re going as they enter the tunnel. Rinn and Fisch are a bit tall, and Fisch especially is very substantial. They both have a little trouble going through after even just the first five or ten feet. As they go on, the light gets brighter. The time they’ve taken, and the general direction of the tunnel, indicates they’re probably directly under the Take.

The tunnel widens abruptly, both out to the sides and overhead. There’s a ziggurat near the center of the space, lonely and dusty; carcasses of small animals are tucked off to one side. A shaky voice calls, “Who comes?”

Tāmarai: A child of Ioun, and friends.
Rinn: A member of the Take.
Stubby: …Stubby!
Fisch: …Fisch?

The voice calls back, a little more steady. “A child of Ioun. A child of the Take. A child of children of the Take. A child of Melora. You have found me. You have come.” From the shadows emerges a large creature with the head of a humanoid woman, the body of a lion, and the wings of an eagle. This is a gynosphinx. This is Osysa herself. “I was waiting.”

[CLIFFHANGER!]

Take your meds.
Hydrate.
Don’t forget to love each other.
Is it Game Day yet?